Then 14-year-old Abigayle Bates sat by her mom in the passenger seat of their car, dressed in her soccer jersey. Abigayle was numb; her dad committed suicide three days ago.

“If you don’t want to do this, we can leave,” her mom said.

But quitting wasn’t an option to Abigayle. She needed the field more than ever, soccer was her escape. She hopped out the car, face unchanging, and played as hard as she could. 

In her mind, winning is what her dad would’ve wanted. 

“I take him now as somebody I push myself to do better for,” Abigayle said. “I always try to make him proud in the way I play. He’s the one that motivates me the most. I feel like I can’t disappoint him.”

Bates went on to win the game, and looks to continue winning at Upper Iowa University’s soccer team in August, after signing as the starting center back Nov. 13.

“I’ve always wanted to go into senior year knowing soccer would be my future,” Bates said. “Soccer is everything I’ve ever done and to prove myself to everyone has paid off and also means that I have to work even harder to keep proving to myself that I am strong.

Abigayle grew up in a competitive household with both parents being former high school athletes and two siblings soccer players. Her first taste of soccer came through watching her older sister compete on recreational teams.

“A week after I was born, I was on the field watching my sister play soccer,” Abigayle said. “She grew up playing soccer, but it’s literally my life; you can ask anybody: soccer is my life. I live, laugh, love soccer — however you want to say it like, that is my escape.”

Abigayle joined the Tornados at three years old – a recreational team which her mom, Miranda Bates, coached. By Abigayle’s own admission, she sucked her first three years but that weakness motivated her. 

“It made me mad,” Abigayle said. “I always say that when I get mad, I do better. I guess Mom knew that too because she knew how to make me mad. She’d tell me not to be a wuss and that brought the best out of me. Tough love is the best word for it.”

Tough love paid off, as Abigayle dominated her recreational league. But where Miranda Bates’ tough love motivated Abigayle, her dad, Tim Bates, provided a deep emotional bond. Their bond strengthened further after her parent’s divorce left Abigayle to support her dad emotionally.

“I was always that person for him that brought him up,” Abigayle said. “I always made sure he was okay. I was always by his side. That was literally my best friend. That was my person. I could say whatever I wanted and he was always there.”

By 10 years old, Abigayle hungered for a challenge greater than recreational. With her dad by her side, Abigayle joined club soccer where she competed against girls nearly four years older than her. Those athletes humbled her.

“It just showed me the higher level of expectation,” Abigayle said. “It wasn’t in a bad way, but I’ve always used that to push myself. If I see somebody better than me, I’m gonna push myself to be like, push myself to be better than them.”

Death

Four years later, legal battles – which Abigayle has never received details on – forced Tim Bates to lose visitation. During that battle, his new wife also cheated on him, worsening his depression.

“I knew there wasn’t anybody to make him feel better,” Abigayle said. “His state of mind went down as soon as he couldn’t see his kids. When he didn’t have me and my brother, his mental health dragged him.”

While soccer offered Abigayle emotional support through separation, her dad struggled. On March 24, 2022, Tim Bates committed suicide.

 Later that day, Miranda Bates pulled Abigayle and her brother into their living room and told them of their dad’s death.

“I had a gut feeling telling me Dad passed away,” Abigayle said. “She told us, and I took it all in and then I went to another room. I’m not the type of person to break down in front of everybody, so I went into another room and I just started crying.”

The weeks following, Abigayle struggled with his death, so she turned to her life-long outlet: Soccer. Just three days after his death, Abigayle returned to the grass for competition.

“(The coaches) told me just to take a mental break, but I told him that I was fine,” Abigayle said. “When I’m playing soccer, I get everything out of my head except for the game that I was in. I don’t think I was ever thinking about it.

Fresh start 

Abigayle moved from Crandall ISD to Conroe ISD the next year and enrolled at Caney Creek High School. Abigayle said it was the move she needed at the time.

“(My hometown) knew everything about my dad, and I just couldn’t take that,” Abigayle said. “At my old school, they knew everything about me. Here, nobody knew about it. It felt like a new start for me.”

Abigayle, to her own surprise, dominated the soccer field. Soccer coach Gretchen Kloes moved Abigayle to varsity that same year and then into the starting position a few weeks in the season.

“She’s not scared to get in on a tackle,” Kloes said. “She had that even as a freshman. She’s like, ‘No, the ball is mine.’ She just came in that way from the beginning. It’s the only way she knows how to play. I think that’s why she’s been so successful.”

Where club teams humbled her, the high school team did the opposite. Abigayle said tasting varsity competition that year made her know soccer would be her future.

“It brought my confidence up so much,” Abigayle said,” and that’s something that I struggled with before. I didn’t know I was as good of a player before, because I’d never played with girls my own age.”

More than a confidence boost, Varsity soccer also became Abigayle’s first real step to coping with the grief of her dad. Her closest mentor was the other varsity center back, 2024 graduate Jordan Jahn, who now plays for Nelson University.

Jahn joined varsity her freshman year too and saw herself in Abigayle.

“I knew how much it sucked feeling like you were an outsider,” Jahn said. “So I wanted to make sure Abigayle didn’t experience that. I am so grateful for the minutes we got to share on the field together and there is no doubt in my mind she will go on to do amazing things.”

Abigayle carried her momentum into sophomore year, which she said was her peak year. But just as her confidence grew, she tore her ACL at Grand Oaks High School and her mindset plummeted. It was her first time without soccer.

“Sophomore year was a really good year for me before I got injured and that just took down my mentality,” Abigayle said. “My life without soccer, for a while, just became me trying to come back to soccer. Nothing else.”

Abigayle did personal training, weight lifting every day. At night, she’d use athletic bands at home. Doctors estimated a 10-month recovery, but she returned in six and by the end of her junior year, already started her college recruiting process.

Over the summer, Upper Iowa University invited Abigayle to visit the Campus. On her visit, the coach promised a starting position freshman year. Abigayle accepted.

“I felt so relieved,” Abigayle said. “Nobody talks about how stressful the recruiting process is. It stressed me out so bad. You don’t know what your next steps are after high school. You don’t know if this will actually be your career. Now, day after day, mom tells me how proud she is.”

Abigayle feels confident graduating this year after securing her soccer future. But with her departure, she hopes students can take a lesson from her life story.

“Soccer is so much more than just a sport to me,” Bates said. “It’s shaped who I am today, teaching me discipline, confidence and how to keep going when things get hard. I hope I can keep playing for as long as I can and, one day, pass that love to my future kids.”